I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
and you fell through a lawn chair
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
