Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
