and you said cock pushups were impossible
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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