She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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