That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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