he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
