and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
