so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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