omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
