Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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