I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
