Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
