even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
this hospital has no fireball
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
