she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
