having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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