You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
