Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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