good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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