He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
