I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
