I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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