The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
