put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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