So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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