Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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