plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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