I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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