he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
