Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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