watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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