he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
