she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
