I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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