woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
