My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
