I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
