I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
