Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
