I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
