Your tits are I can't wait for
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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