Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
