Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
