I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
