The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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