There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just gargled with NyQuil
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
