I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
worst night to have a conscience
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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