yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
