Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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