I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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