i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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